Pet Peeves and Reality Television Go Hand in Hand

Two things have been well documented here on our blog:

1. A lot of reality television is viewed in our house.
2. Neither Carter or I watch by choice.

You can find past references here and here.

A few weeks ago I was complaining about summer programming and how there doesn’t seem to be anything new on television. This lead to us recording a million episodes of Law & Order and watching them periodically throughout the week. But something happened in the magical world of television recently, namely the return of reality shows for the summer. Here is a brief list of what makes it onto our tv these days:

• Shear Genius - I can’t even comment to be honest with you. I will spend quality time with H and watch her silly shows but this is the one I just don’t get. The contestants are not interesting and the judges are just blah.
• So You Think You Can Dance - H loves this show, I mean LOVES it. How do I know this? Once in a while she will watch a performance and then rewind it and watch it again. I’ve told you already I think Cat Deeley is the best reality television host out there based on her personality and looks but the wardrobe department puts her in some interesting outfits from time to time. Anyhow, the contestants seem cool enough, and I get to see a few cute girls dance around some stage while teenagers shout every time one of the dudes takes his shirt off.
• Big Brother - I don’t get Julie Chen. I don’t get the crazy messed up people they stuff in the house. I just don’t get this show period. What could make it worse? We currently subscribe to Showtime for the first time in our lives which means we get three hours of programming a night of the house guests hanging, smoking and talking about nothing. Just to recap here - we had four hours of original Big Brother programming on our DVR last night.
• Project Runway - Heidi is hot and it just goes to show that it doesn’t matter what you sing, if you are a singer hot chicks will like you. Nina Garcia scares the crap out of me but I could watch Tim Gunn walk into a room and say “Hello designers” all day long. The people on the show are at least interesting to watch and have some talent, unlike our friends on Big Brother who are there because …. hmmm I am not sure what goes into being selected for Big Brother.

Which brings me to my pet peeves, all of which are perpetuated on reality television. They occur in every day life, but you see them more often than not on television.

• People giving more than 100% - By definition the most you can give is 100%. Not 110%, not 125%, and not the over the top 200%. The most you can give is 100%. Period. So please don’t sit in your confessional or approach the reporter and say “Man, I just wanted to give it all I got, and I did. I gave 110% and left it all out there”. Buddy, you are lying to yourself. You gave maybe 100%, mayyyyybe, because I don’t buy anyone doing their very best in life just so they aren’t eliminated on a television show.
• Referring to yourself in the third person - There is nothing I can’t stand more than people that do this, and reality television takes it to a whole new level. On tv it happens in one of two places: (1) the confessional room when someone is giving their diary entry to the camera or (2) when someone is explaining themselves to the group. Here is an example of #1: “… I mean I’m Diedra and one of the best designers here. Ain’t nobody going to come into this house and tell me otherwise, and if they do Diedra is going to step all over them”. Seriously? What do their parents think when they see things like this. Personally it makes me cringe and look away from the television, so I can only imagine what happens when the people that changed their diapers see them acting this way in front of millions of people. Example of #2: Picture a group of contestants standing outside arguing about some insane issue … “Are you kidding me? Why would I not try to win? Huh? Tell me that! It came down to Randy, Jake and me. Why shouldn’t I win? Why shouldn’t Steve get a win under his belt?”. Ugh ….

Of course the worst thing that can happen is a combination, such as: “What you see is what you get. I didn’t come all this way to lose so you can count on Ginny giving 110% every time out there”.

• Tasteless product placement: I know someone has to pay the bills, but what happened to the good old days when they would flash a logo at the end of the show that read “Such and such provided by so and so”? Nowadays you rush your models to the Tresseme hair salon, makeup is done in the L’Oreal studio  and chefs have two hours to cook with the latest Sears Kenmore appliances.

So this is what my summer has come to as three of the four shows mentioned just got underway …

Gail Simmons - What a Judge!

Let’s recap and get something clear - I am not a huge fan of reality television. There are a few shows I like and will watch faithfully, but there are some pretty bad ones out there that drive me crazy. Mostly I tune it because (a) we have one tv and (b) we have one tv.

Having said that, I admit to liking Top Chef on Bravo. The funny thing is I might be one of the pickiest eaters you would ever encounter and there is no way I would touch let alone eat 95% of the food on the show.

The contests seem real and not too over the top. Many of them have been in the field for quite some time and are very good at what they do. Season 4 winner Stephanie had her own place in Chicago the last couple of years so this isn’t amateur night at the local culinary institute.

I have already documented my dislike for Padma, the de facto host of the show. I don’t know what makes her an expert much less why she wrote a cook book.

Tom Colicchio is alright but don’t you get the sense he wants to always have the final say? Apparently he is a hell of a chef so you have to give him his due. Yeah yeah yeah, he’s the head judge but you never know where you stand with this guy.

Ted Allen is pretty funny; he seems down to earth and honest whenever he opens his mouth. And I am glad he managed to get a decent gig out of Queer Eye. Of all the guys on that show he is the one that came across as having the best personality. I am not sure what the other guys do now except for the Jai Rodriguez who has the worst gig on television as host of Groomer Has It. If you haven’t seen it, don’t bother.

The guest judges are always interesting, especially Anthony Bourdain, Rocco DiSpirito adn Eric Ripert.

But the best judge on Top Chef is easily Gail Simmons. Aside from being cute, she is Canadian so that scores a ton of points in my book. She seems down to earth and is always honest, well as honest as you can be on reality tv. I don’t know if you caught any of the reunion show last night on Bravo but they showed a clip of her sleeping at the judges table while they were changing out cameras. That’s our girl! She’s not Cat Deeley but she certainly is close.

Carter and Turtle - What a Tuesday

** I know it says Tuesday in the title, and in fact it is Wednesday. I have no idea where Tuesday went **

Carter is heading in for a haircut today, just a little trim and some other grooming needs. After reading a number of reviews we settled on Muttropolitan here in Los Angeles. I called yesterday and made an appointment for Carter, ensuring he didn’t get a morning time because he is incredibly lazy in the a.m.. The person on the other end was a little confused and wanted to know if I had already called to make an appointment. After telling her no she was quite and told me it was strange because they don’t see a lot of Wheatens in her place, but tomorrow she has appointments for three of them. Can you imagine all the jumping, running, licking and barking if they happen to be there at the same time?

One of our favourite shows on television is Entourage and according to blogdowntown they are filming here in Los Angeles today. I have a few things to do this afternoon but I might take a quick run over there to see if anything interesting is taking place.

Mind you, it is supposed to be 91 here today so I don’t know how much outside time I want to spend considering I tend to burn after being outside for 5 minutes or so.

Best Reality Television Host

Someone in our household, and it isn’t Carter or me, watches a lot of reality television.

American Idol, Big Brother, Survivor, American’s Next Top Model, Project Runway, Step It Up and Dance, Top Chef and The Amazing Race are pretty much givens in our house.

Inevitably it means I watch a portion of these shows whether I like it or not.

With the exception of The Amazing Race I really don’t like reality television. I am not a big fan of the people cast in the show generally, nor the actual ‘game play’ involved.

So when I have to sit through an hour of something I don’t like, I look for something interesting and usually it is the host.

I don’t like Ryan Seacrest and the terrible production that takes place on American Idol. You kick someone off the show, crush their dreams, but you want them to sing one more song before they go OR “And the person American voted to keep ….. is ….. going … to be revealed after the commercial break”.

I don’t like Julie Chen and her bad pant suits either, acting all cool as she pushes the little button so the ‘house guests’ can hear her. She does nothing but a 2 minute interview, a minute taken up by ‘good-bye messages” and invites the person to her morning show. Lame.

I don’t watch Survivor so I can’t really comment. I do know however that the phrase “The tribe has spoken” is still used and has to be getting old.

America’s Next Top Model? Just another bad gig for Tyra. Sorry.

Project Runway? I like Heidi and her outfits, and she is usually really nice when saying goodbye in another language. But Nina Garcia and that other guy on the panel over shadow Heidi and lose it all for me. Easily my favorite part of the show is when Tim Gunn walks in the room and says “Hello designers”. Haha it’s always funny for some reason.

Step It Up and Dance = Elizabeth Berkley = Showgirls. Enough said.

Top Chef is a cool show, and I don’t mind Tom or the guy from Queer Eye. I love it when they bring Anthony Bourdain on as a guest, I like Gail Simmons … but it is all ruined with Padma. Why does Padma get to host? What makes her an expert? You marry the guy that wrote The Satanic Verses and that gets you a cooking show host gig?

I like the Amazing Race, always have and Phil is always cool when delivering the news.

But the best reality television host for me, hands down, is my girl Cat Deeley on So You Think You Can Dance. First of all she is always really nice to the contests, especially when they are going around the country and auditioning. She is attractive, funny and generally seems really cool. But the best part for me is the beginning when she shouts out the names of the dancers/contestants with her accent. “Danny!” …. “Hawk!” … “Danielle!” … “Ricky!” … “Stacey!” … The best! She doesn’t use dramatic pauses when kicking people off and is generally really personable. I think Cat would do a good job at the Olympics too. You know during the opening ceremonies when the countries walk in and the person over the loud speaker announces with enthusiasm where they are from? Yeah, that’s Cat’s gig for sure. In her kick ass English accent yelling out “Zimbabwe!” … “Turkey!” … “Equitorial Guinea!”.

Not that I pay much attention to the reality tv being viewed in our house.

The Best Political Team on Television

Lately we have found ourselves watching a lot of CNN. I have thought long and hard about why this is the case and came up with two reasons:

1. A lot of reality television is over for the season which means H isn’t hoarding the tv to see who is getting kicked off of Big Brother or who Heidi Klum is saying goodbye to.
2. The primary election for the democrats.

I admit to wanting to catch as much election coverage as I can. The race has been quite facinating on many fronts and it is always interesting to hear the ‘expert’ opinions.

But one thing has become old on the Cable News Network; it’s actually a phrase:

The best political team on television.

My goodness, you can’t watch five minutes of CNN without Wolf and the boys uttering the phrase. If they ran with this slogan at the beginning of the show I could live with that. But they return from every commercial break, and segue into each segment with the phrase.

Aside from being overused, I would like to know who decided that CNN has the best political team on television. Did CNN decide themselves? Was their a poll? Was it an exit poll? Was it some kind of nationwide vote where the guy with the super computer can touch a bunch of states and manipulate the numbers in the race to see who has the best political team on television? (You know the guy and the magic screen I am talking about). Did Candy Crowley come up with it? I wouldn’t be surprised because I am pretty sure she never sleeps, she is always working.

I like CNN, I really do. I mean how can you not when they have Darth Vader himself announcing “This is CNN”.

But let’s tone down the best political team on television stuff for a while, at least until November.

One More American Idol Show to Sit Through

I don’t like American Idol - there isn’t a ton of reality tv that I enjoy. But two quick things …

1. We could hear people yelling and screaming over at Nokia tonight as people arrived for the show.
2. I don’t like David Archuleta. Every song sounds the same, I mean if you need a kid to sing a ballad then he is your guy.  But what I dislike more so is his goofy reaction whenever a judge says something, when he mouths (oh my gosh) and looks like he is going to faint or pass out.